Tuesday, 4 June 2013

5 Reasons Why We Should Legalize Prostitution In Kenya (But Probably Won’t)

A couple of interesting things happened in the country in the last few weeks concerning, umm, matters of the flesh. First it was the girls in Nyali, Mombasa who were arrested for engaging in pornography in which a dog was involved. Well, that video was no longer available as evidence on account of someone having confiscated it for their own private collection or… well, only that. Because the girls were totally charged with something else! 

Then a few days ago, a bunch of strippers and their employer were arrested in Mtwapa (again in the Coast) for engaging in public sexual (mis)conduct. At this point I feel I must ask, did you see those girls on the news? Looking all… well, not good at all? If that’s their “work” look, then the customers at the strip club are totally within their rights to demand a refund from the mzungu owner when he’s out on bail. Then again, I guess anyone getting busted by cops for anything might not be looking their best, so no judging!

"Totally judging!!!"

The first incident may not have a direct link to prostitution (honestly, I only mentioned it because of the dog. Really.), but the second one does. Any male above the age of 18 understands how strip clubs work, and if you don’t, well WERE YOU BROUGHT UP IN A CAVE OR SOMETHING??? SHAME ON YOU!

Anyway, talking about prostitution, why is it that we get our knickers all tied up in knots that cannot be untied by any sailor whenever the subject comes up? My feeling is that we are a nation of hypocrites and we need to get off our moral high ground.

Prostitution has been around for as long as mankind has existed (give or take a couple of years) and there’s a reason for that. It works. Men want to pay for sex; (some) women want to be paid for sex. Everyone goes home happy.

Shit only gets real when we make it sound so bad that people have to hide and get into all kinds of trouble. And then we blame the act itself rather than the system that criminalizes decisions made by adults about their bodies.

So, I think perhaps it’s time we engaged in a healthy debate about the whole idea of sex for cash and really think about whether we shouldn’t just go ahead and make it legal. The following are 5 reasons why:

1.     Increased Tax Revenue
We keep talking about how we need to expand our tax base to, you know, meet the cost of running government, providing services to the population, paying obscene salaries to our MPigs… actually, this last one ought to be a serious incentive for bringing sex workers into the tax bracket.

It’s simply unforgivable that given the amount of money that changes hands every day and night for a few minutes of stolen… no, bought pleasure, the government has never gotten in on the action and demanded its pound of flesh. Mr Njiraini of KRA must be cursing from all the lost opportunities. Yeah, you might want to mention this to the President at your next meeting.

"Ati? Yaani it took a blog to point out the obvious because why?"

2.     Employment / Business Opportunities
The Kenyatta administration is all about creating employment. With all the demand for sex going around, why not tap into this market and make it possible for investors to set up legit brothels (ok, I really don’t like this word) in which women can work in a safe and controlled environment?

For those that don’t really want to work for others, this could be a real business opportunity. They could set up websites through which their clients can connect with them, rather than risk life and limb running along K Street from cops, kanju, horny parking boys and watchmen!

3.     Mandatory Health Checks
In an era in which catching STIs, or even HIV is as easy as catching a cold, a legal, well regulated prostitution environment would demand regular checks for diseases among sex workers.

This would not only make for a healthier workforce, but would also protect the consumers of sex for cash against having to explain to their regular sexual partners why it hurts like a bitch to pee in the morning! (No, they wouldn’t understand)

4.     Protect (Women) Prostitutes Against Violence
Now, because of the nature of their work and the fact that it is illegal, many prostitutes face the very real danger of physical violence every time they go to work. C’mon, who hasn’t felt at one time or another the urge to punch one in the face? What… no one? Really? YOU PSYCHOPATHS!!!
The truth is that men find it very easy to be violent against prostitutes because… well, because they can! Who are you going to report to? The police? And complain that the reason you’re missing three teeth is because you were getting humped for two hundred bob?

If prostitution became legal, sex workers would work within the system and they would be able to get the necessary protection against arbitrary violence that could lead to serious injury or in some extreme cases, even death.

5.     C’mon, It’s the Oldest Profession In The History Of Ever
Can anyone honestly, and more importantly, with a straight face say that prostitution as we know it shall ever cease to exist? Again, I go back to what I said earlier. This shit works! That’s why it’s been around since man discovered that he didn’t have to spend a fortune on dinners and gifts just to get some! Also known as The Days Of The Bible. He could just pay for it.

So, rather than spend inordinate amounts of time and resources trying to fight a war that we shall never win, why not just mainstream the hell out of this industry and move on?

Ok, all you prudes and hypocrites (you know who you are!) can throw those brickbats at me now. 

I’ll wait.

"Bring it on!!!"

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